Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
