We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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