I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
