They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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