Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just wanna soil my oats bro
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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