you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
