i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
