It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
