Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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