I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
