I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You need Xanax blowdarts
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
