Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
