Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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