well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
