You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
