i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
