dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
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She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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