There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
