I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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