ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
