I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
