It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
