Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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