So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Drunk is a universal language darling
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