I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
