Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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