I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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