We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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