We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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