Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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