can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
