so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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