Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
