Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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