I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
