Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
