I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
