some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
