Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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