There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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