drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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