I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
