That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
