only if we run a train.
done.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize