She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
