We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
