bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
