she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
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I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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