I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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