just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
