I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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