wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
