end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize