i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
50% drunk capacity currently
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
