i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
