The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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