I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
