yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
