is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
