Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
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She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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