Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
