Ketchup is God's man juice
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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